Depending on the hurt inflicted, the sooner the healing process would be. If the person who had the hurt does not forgive the one who had done the hurting the faster healing process may happen. Getting over a problem may sometimes be easier than learning how to forgive the other person. The ability to forgive oneself of all wrongdoing may sometimes be easier than learning how to forgive someone else.
Caused the anger in the first place
Learning how to forgive oneself can actually begin the process of forgiving the one who had caused the anger in the first place. Forgiveness is not a matter of having to do without something that one has gotten used to. Instead it’s a matter of understanding and using our common sense when it comes to forgiveness.
A perfect example of this is that sometimes we forgive someone but at the same time we are not really able to forget about the person who did the hurting. We often think that we can forgive an action if we will not do anything ourselves to cause or hurt another individual. Forgiveness sometimes happens for the most inappropriate reasons.
For example, some people may think that they can forgive another person because the act of disliking them was done in the past and therefore, should not affect their view of that other person now. Others may feel like they cannot forgive the person who caused the hurtful event to them because the event happened once and they are bound to have feelings of resentment towards that person. Still others may feel like the pain of the hurt is so great that nothing can make them feel good enough to forgive. No matter what their reason is, they are still carrying around the resentment and hurt, which must be dealt with in some way.
There are exceptions to every rule
As with all things in life there are exceptions to every rule. Sometimes it takes more than one bad experience to build up the resentment that is causing the problem. In the case of a person who has never been deeply hurt before, the problem may come over a period of time with a few incidents of being injured. The person may be aware that the behavior is wrong but not feel it in their heart, because they are used to the pain they are receiving and the resentment they are feeling.
Create a “wonderful” story
The next step in the process of forgiveness is to create a “wonderful” story. You can write this story down as many times as you need to until you feel comfortable. Your “wonderful story” will serve as your trigger to let go of the hurt and pain. You can read this story aloud; this will help you let go of the anger, the resentment and the agony. Make sure that you listen intently to the story and absorb the emotions that you feel during the process of forgiveness.
When you have finished your wonderful story, you may find yourself asking for forgiveness. You will find that you are not alone; there are others that are going through the same process. You will be amazed at the outpouring of love that you will receive; people from all walks of life are looking for the ability to forgive and are willing to forgive. By asking for forgiveness, you are taking a huge step towards ending the cycle of abuse.
You may be wondering, “What do I do when I am looking for the ability to forgive? Do I stay in my angry place?” Although it may feel like the right thing to do, staying in an angry place is actually harmful and does not help the situation any. You may want to seek out counseling or a support group; there are people that are willing to help you through the process of forgiveness and will offer you the ability to forgive.